dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
