Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize