I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
