so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
