Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
