3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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