it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Even my vagina gasped.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
