your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
