It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
