Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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