The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
That was an excessively violent trivia night
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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