If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
