Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
