I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
