Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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