I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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