whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize