Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
