I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
