everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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