my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
lol hangovers are for mortals.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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