bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
