Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
