people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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