the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
