Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I had to cum in my sink.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
