Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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