I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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