I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
