She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
