There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
