I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So vagazzling was a success
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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