I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
