so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
