I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize