here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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