It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Randomize