btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
