I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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