Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
