so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
