Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
