cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
