You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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