the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
