so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
