sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
