he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize