omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
