That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
