his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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