i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
