i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think my fart just growled at me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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