she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
