Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
