its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
