i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
