I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize