so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
