saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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