i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
