I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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