U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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