i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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