she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
