Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
