Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
