those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
