i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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