This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize