i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
