Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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