this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
