somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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