What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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