youre lurking in front of me
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
