It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
