I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My pussy is not your playground.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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