We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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