Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
