i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
