I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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