you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
