someone threw a dead crab at me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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