you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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