well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The air taste purple.
Randomize
