He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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