so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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