I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize