Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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