Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
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