whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
