he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
