Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize