I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Success! We fucked roommates!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
