i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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