Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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