Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
