the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think a kid would responsible me up
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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