were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
