Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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