i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
