drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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