omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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