The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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