Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize